We all want to feel valued
We all want the same thing: simply we all want to feel valued by somebody else. Think about every person you have ever met. They just want to feel valued. I want to feel valued, and so do you. By someone. Right?
Historically we have always formed small social groups, and our survival potential increased so dramatically that human beings are everywhere. But to stay a member of that protective group, you have to contribute something: You have to have value.
This survival mode explains why I get angry, anxious or sad when I feel less valued. The limbic part of my brain worries I may get kicked out of my protective group and be easier prey. Right or wrong, just the perception of being devalued activates our ancient, irrational, emotional, and impulsive limbic response.
The value of being valued
When is the last time you got angry at someone treating you with respect? You don’t.
When I feel respected, I feel valued. So will that other person. When I feel valued, I am more likely to trust. So does that other person. Respect leads to value, and value leads to trust. A person who feels valued develops trust in that person.
And now you have formed a group. And are less likely to be lunch for some predator. Respect leads to value, and value leads to trust, the very foundation of a group. By treating each other with respect, we are decreasing those fearful limbic responses, and that is a contribution to the group.
In the workplace, whether together physically or working from home during COVID 19, we are still in our groups everyday.
Five ways that feeling valued nourishes us
- It feels good
As adults, we also thrive on positive feedback from our environment. Being valued and appreciated reinforces a positive sense of self-worth. And there is a precious moment of contact when we are recognised and validated.
- We’re being seen
We might take a risk to share vulnerable feelings with a lover, friend, counsellor or P3 Business Partner. Rather than judge or fix us, they listen with kindness and openness, as well as appreciation for how we’re trusting them with something tender inside us. We feel good to be seen and appreciated as we share our sorrow, fear, joy, and other feelings.
- We’re being liked
Being appreciated goes along with being liked. If you think about someone you appreciate because of their kind, caring, or friendly attitude, you probably like that person. There’s something about liking and being liked that warms our heart and brings a smile to our face.
- It deepens a sense of meaning in our lives
Hearing that I’ve affected somebody in some small way adds meaning to my life. It feels good to hear that I’ve affected someone in a positive way. The Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, Victor Frankl, developed an approach to psychotherapy that he called “logotherapy,” which suggests that human beings are motivated by a “will to meaning.” We flourish when we live with a sense of meaning and purpose. We may flounder or get depressed when we lack meaning.
- It connects us
As human beings, we long for connection. During that precious moment when someone sees us, praises us, or validates us, there’s a spontaneous connection that can arise — if we’re open to it. Feeling appreciated strengthens the bond between people. It helps satisfy our longing for healthy stable relationships.
One way to create connection is to give to others what we desire. We can extend generosity by noticing positive things about others and finding some creative way to express kind sentiments toward them.
What if we feel unvalued?
The absence of certain conditions can make us feel unvalued. This is about the structures, policies and managerial behaviours that define our experience of the workplace. If we don’t feel these are fair and just, we don’t feel valued.
To be valued is not an abstract concept. As human beings we know what it feels like to feel undervalued and before long it can become intolerable. This is not only true in the workplace, but in relationships, family life, social situations and more.
At the heart of work is an exchange. The employer’s money for the employee’s time and skills but now more than ever your employee needs to feel valued.
At P3 Business Care our Business Partners develop trust and relationship with employees that makes them feel 1. good, 2. seen, 3. liked, 4. they have meaning and 5. a connection.
About P3 Business Care
P3 Business Care is a Community Interest Company and social enterprise operating across the UK. Supporting your business on a weekly basis we provide personal and proactive care to your employees working in partnership with the company. We develop trust & relationships so we can identify and address issues before they become crisis, absence, or staff turnover. Read more about our services here